


Dear Sister-Makoto- From Sae

by PoeticT



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Family, Hurt/Comfort, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:27:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25950607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoeticT/pseuds/PoeticT
Summary: Dear sister- a letter from Sae to Makoto expressing why she changed after they changed her heart
Relationships: Brother/Sister, Niijima Makoto & Niijima Sae
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Sae's Letter 1

My dearest sister

Makoto its true

Ive never been able to talk to you

Ive never been able to express the feelings inside

But tonight I put pen to paper and I will write

* * *

Forgive me for this method of delivery

We Nijima's aren't known for our subtlety

I do not know how to talk but I know how to write,

So here goes nothing, here is what is inside…

* * *

My dearest Makoto

You mean everything to me

You are the reason I breathe

You are the reason I fought so hard

You are the reason I stayed out of the dark

You were the reason I picked myself up

You are the warmth within my heart

* * *

My dearest sister

You saw me change

You saw how wicked I became

You and your friends

You changed my heart

You cured me and changed my path

* * *

You asked me what had lead to this

You asked me how it got to this

So here and now I will answer that

Please forgive me for what I write out

* * *

My dearest Makoto

When he died,

I felt empty inside

I was young and did not know what to do

I did not know how I was supposed to raise you

I knew that I would not give you up

That was something they could never bring up

They tried and tried but I did not agree

I had to prove that we could be a family

So I got a job and I learnt how to cook

I even learnt how to pay the bills

* * *

My dearest sister

You did not know

You could not recognise the pain in my soul

I emulated father as that was all I had known

But that did not build a great home

* * *

There were times that I yelled at you

Times where I took my rage out upon you

You sat there in silence and did not say a thing,

You acted as my punching bag and did not deserve a single thing

* * *

My dearest Makoto

Please forgive me

For I am not a male and could not be

I tried to emulate him, I tried to do as he did

I tried to be fearless and to be strong

I tried to put my poker face on

But it did not work

I felt guilt and remorse

I felt my heart ripping and wanting to explode

Every time I yelled, every time I broke

I saw your face and I was shook

I crumbled time and time again

I walked off to my room to cried myself to bed

He rarely broke, he rarely yelled

But I could not live up to that pedestal

* * *

My dearest sister

I could not stop. I was so enraged at the life I got

It was not fair

Not to me or to you

But I was adamant that you did not have to go through that too

* * *

So I worked and I worked so you could have

A life as normal as can be had

I was not around much to see you grow

I was not able to build a home

But I achieved my goal and here you are

A beautiful, strong, fearless, intelligent young woman about to graduate at last

* * *

My dearest Makoto

Please forgive me

Please forgive the mess I used to be

I tried my hardest and my best

But I neglected you in the end

* * *

My dearest sister

You are everything to me

I want to see you grow up, get a job and have a family

I love you Makoto

So much you see

I hope you can forgive my shortcomings

* * *

Thank you my sister for being there

You are not useless, I was stupid and unfair

I snapped at you that night

I saw your heart shatter in your eyes

Please forgive me my dearest girl

You do not know your worth

* * *

You cook, you clean, you even shop

You pick up all the stuff I forgot

You cook my favourite meals when you don’t have to

You always think about people other than you

You are so kind and so sweet

When you go to college, what will become of me?

* * *

Even more than that

You are truly there

You are the one I can lean on when Im sad or mad or even unfair

* * *

My dearest sister

You do not know

When you run to my room during the thunder storms

You come to my bed and you hug me so tight

My heart melts and I feel warmth inside

* * *

There are things that you do that cannot be seen

Like how you know when I need a cup of tea

Or how you sense that I could use a hug

And put your head on my shoulder and snuggle up

* * *

My dearest Makoto

I need you there

You are the only one that truly cares

When you leave for college soon

Please don’t forget me, please be back soon

* * *

My dearest Makoto

I hope you see

You are the most important thing to me

* * *

There is a secret I harbour in my heart

Something so shameful I could never speak of

But I will right here and now

You deserve to know the reasoning how

* * *

…For so long I resented you

I resented the ease that life brought you

I know it makes no sense

I know it was my goal

To give you this easy life I speak of

* * *

My dearest sister

You have it so good

You have friends and a purpose and a boy too

I guess I am jealous because I lost all of that

I long for the relationships that you have

For someone to shield me

For someone to take over the responsibility

For someone to finally set me free from my misery

* * *

My dearest Makoto

I took it out on you

I am sorry for all I put you through

You are now going to college and I will be alone

Now I need to focus on building a life of my own

* * *

My dearest Makoto

I hope you see

You are the most important thing to me

Love

Sae


	2. Makoto Response 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's Response- Letter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the suggestions! They will take time to write about so I have decided to split everything up into separate letters. Make it more natural

Dear Sis,

I cannot express

The mixed feelings I got from reading this

I felt immense joy that you opened up to me

In fact, I feel my heart will burst from relief

I feel like the light has come back in my life

I have tears streaming down from my eyes

I have been waiting to talk to you, waiting all my life…

* * *

But lets first address the elephant in the room

Yes, I am replying by email as it will get to you soon

I admit, its not as romantic as yours

Who knew my sis was so savvy with words!

But I cannot wait weeks for a reply

And we can use emojis as it is appropriate at times

For instance, now I call openly tell you this

You sometimes have been a b***🐶 😱😜

Im joking, kind of…

Please don’t take it to heart

* * *

** Introduction **

It is clear that you wrote this before I left

Why did you wait until now to express

What you held inside all of these years

What you felt when I was near?

You're probably still on the plane home right now

You came to visit and stayed in town

Why did you not give this to me when you arrived?

Why did you wait until you left and said your goodbyes?

* * *

I understand this may be difficult for you

And I appreciate all the effort you went to

To be honest, I have been meaning to suggest

That we attend counselling to deal with this mess

But we had fun when you were here,

Like the time we went out to the pier

Or that time we watched the movie in moonlight

Or that time we had ice cream under the stars and laughed about life

* * *

I didn’t want to ruin it you see

I haven’t had that much fun with you since we were a proper family

But I am glad that you have reached out

I feel like my chest is swollen from the warmth in my heart

Perhaps this will work, you and I

Without having to involve someone from outside

This can be our little thing,

This can be our safe space we share things from within

* * *

Dear Sis

I want you to know

That you are connected to my soul

I have never in a million years doubted you

I have never doubted the feelings you have for me too

* * *

I love you so much and it pains me to see

That you went through all that grief

You were so strong and never weak

But you are being too hard on yourself, don’t you see?

* * *

You have always been my hero

My number one

The person I aspire to become

I looked up to you and still do today

I wouldn’t have handled all that came your way

With such style and grace

And the precision you had

You were kind and patient despite being sad

If it were me in your position

I fear that I would not have given

Even half of what you did to me

I probably would have sunken into depression

* * *

Sis, there are times we all crumble and fall

Times we all hit a wall

But you picked yourself up and continued on

And always maintained that poker face you speak of

I want to tell you what I have inside,

There are so many issues we need to provide

Answers for so we can sort this out

And we can move forward as sisters at last

* * *

I want to touch on a point you made

About how you emulated fathers ways

I know this is a touchy subject we don’t usually discuss

But perhaps we should, so listen up…

* * *

I remember father being a kind man,

He was remarkable and extraordinary

He brought justice to the land

He followed what he believed was right

And let nothing else get in his sight

* * *

You keep saying life isn’t fair

And somehow you place blame on him there

He did not know what was going to happen

He could not predict the outcome of the operation

Please tell me sis, what does this all mean to you?

I would love to understand your point of view.

* * *

** Problems **

I know you worked until you broke

Until a palace formed in the metaverse

And I am extremely thankful for that

I felt no hardship or struggles other than…

Forgive me…

* * *

Your expectations were too much

You had a pursuit for perfection and I could not keep up

I wanted to shout, I wanted to scream

I wanted to punch you so hard so you could no longer see

Everything wasn’t enough

Not my grades, not my cleaning, not my cooking, I wasn’t enough.

I wasn't good enough for you

And you made sure I knew that too

Every chance you had, you would rub salt into the wound

* * *

You made me so compliant, so wanting to please

I lost myself in the expectations of adults around me

I thought, if I just did as you asked, perhaps you would finally be happy and not hate me so much

* * *

When you got into one of those moods

I knew what was about to construe

I tried to get away but there was no escape

You would pick fights using anything that came your way

Like, how under seasoned your meal was

Or how the volume was up too much

Or how stupid my inferior marks made you look

Or how useless I was to you

* * *

You would leave me money I did not want

You would make me feel like I was scum

But I had no choice because you would not let me work

You did not allow me to find my worth

You had a say in everything, from what I wore to what I ate and what I did extracurricularly

You held me captive in our home

There to follow the path you forced me on

Ok… maybe that was a bit too much

A bit outstretched, but that is how I felt

Sis, you suffocated me until I could not breathe

All I wanted was for you to be happy so we can be a family

I wanted to be useful to you

I wanted you to lean on me too

But you insisted you do this alone

You insisted to shut me out in the shadows

* * *

You told me I eat away at your life

I followed your rules and your plans in my plight

It still wasn’t enough and there was nothing I could do

Until I met the phantom thieves, my friends, my crew.

They showed me I was more than enough, that I wasn’t an adult and didn’t need to live up

To those expectations you laid on me

That I was above and beyond the peers around me

* * *

I was able to be useful you see

And we were able to cure your heart internally

I don’t know what I would have done

If the plan hadn’t worked out and you were gone

* * *

I don’t even want to think about that

I love you so much, you are all I have

I want you to know sis that I forgive you

I no longer harbour resent towards you

You reacted in the only way you knew to

Those are the cards life dealt you

* * *

Thank you, I see you have changed

Thank you for the words you gave

You are so brave and I am proud of you

I am proud my big sis is working through

All the things she harbours inside

All the demons that come to light

I know it isn’t easy but I am here

Every step of the way, we will slay them without fear

* * *

** Solutions **

I want you to promise me one thing

That you will tell me everything

I know you are worried about being alone

But stop. You are not. I am here too

Call me any time of the day

morning, noon or night

I will always answer and reply

* * *

First thing I would like you to do

Is try to make friends that you can talk to

Friends that you can hang out with, friends that will bring fun to your free evenings

How about Dr Tae? She is intellectual and smart, she is witty and not afraid to take a stab in the dark.

Ren says she is really nice, that she could also use a friend in her life.

* * *

Boys? You really want one? They are a headache and never clean up 😏

No I am kidding, I wouldn’t trade him for the world!

Ren is caring and charming and all I adore ❤️

I have no doubt you will find a man

You are always turning heads and that is a fact

My advice to you is, loosen up

Don’t turn them away when they come

Don’t raise the bar too high out of reach

Allow it to be just high enough so your soulmate won't meet defeat

* * *

Thank you sis for opening up

Feel free to say whatever you want

This is our space to talk and express

All we have within, without remorse or regret

* * *

I love you and hope you arrive home safely soon

Don’t forget to reply! I will be waiting for you

Love

Makoto

❤️😘


End file.
